Universe Playing A Woman Gets Drunk, Texts Itself Playing Her Ex

GRAND RAPIDS –

After masterfully playing the role of Michelle Loneliton, 27, the universe upped the ante by having too much Merlot and texting itself playing her ex-boyfriend Ray McMovedon, 30.

“It was quite a night”, said a hungover universe, indulging in copious amounts of Gatorade in a vain attempt at damage control, “I really missed the hell out of myself, didn’t I? I mean, can you blame me? I’m pretty badass as Ray.”

The texts, which began at 1 a.m. after the completion of the 4th glass of wine, were executed with the hilarious certainty that the two characters were, in fact, separate people.

“I have to give myself 5 stars for that, for real”, said the smug, self-congratulatory singularity of all consciousness, “I better give myself a nice writeup when I play that insufferable New York Times critic today.”

At press time, the universe planned on doubling down on this particular dramatic act, responding as Ray that Michelle needs to get therapy.