In Universal Glitch, Local Man Reincarnated As Exact Same Guy

BEAVER FALLS –

After a past life regression that was meant to take him into exotic past lives in distant lands, local man Joe McHypnotiso, 53, was surprised to discover his soul’s journey has been dramatically more boring than anticipated.

“This is bull****”, declared a disappointed McHypnotiso, after discovering that he’s been living the same life over and over in perpetuity, “I go under and am immediately taken to the time I was 7 and soiled myself on the school bus. Great. That’s inspiring. Can’t wait to do that again.”

McHypnotiso, hoping for a revelation that he was either Cleopatra or at least some cool shaman in Papua New Guinea, couldn’t believe that the universe decided he would sell term-life policies in Pennsylvania for all eternity.

“Don’t get me wrong, I could have been my cousin Ray who sells whole life policies, and that would just be hell”, said McHypnotiso, “And I also could have been a Browns fan. And not even eternity can deliver them a ring.”