San Quentin Prison To Install Gift Shop For Departing Inmates

SAN QUENTIN –

Following the lead of museums and other establishments that sell branded merchandise after a tour through their premises, the San Quentin Correctional Facility has decided to launch a gift shop of their own.

“You really want to get them while the experience is fresh in their minds”, said Warden Cody McShawshank, 56, “and a little plastic shiv for the kids with our logo on it is just the memento our visitors need.”

Inmates, however, were less enthusiastic about this idea.

“It’s one thing to remove orange jello from the menu, but don’t try to sell me a ‘I did two months in the hole and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’ piece of merch”, said inmate Jared Di Felonio, 27, “But I’m not gonna lie; the coffee mugs with ‘SQ’ glitter are pretty badass.”

At press time, the state of California was looking to increase gift shop revenue by criminalizing trips to the beach during non-pandemic years.