Burnt-out Healers Go On Weekend Retreat To Corporate Conference Room

NEW YORK –

After the stress, hustle and bustle of small-town mountain living became too much to bear, the healers of the Zen Beginnings Community Center have decided to take a cleansing retreat to a corporate conference space.

“This is just what our members need”, said retreat organizer Awakening O’Grady, 51, “A chance to step away from the grind of Peyote ceremonies and into the soul-affirming, sacred, indigenous rituals of Q3 marketing budget meetings.”

The retreat attendees were excited to get the weekend underway.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all year”, said Marcia DiPlantlife, 38, “Friends of mine have come back from HR trainings telling me they saw the eyes of God in the harassment manuals.”

At press time, the retreat was sold out and already planning on an encore, with a “laid-off and locked-out-of-email” ceremony led by the Shaman of building ops.