CDC Shortens Covid Isolation Time To Length Of Lift Scene From “Dirty Dancing”


After the latest reduction in recommended quarantine time for Covid-19 infections, the CDC has gone one step further with a new metric that can be better understood by all Americans.

“Nobody puts baby in a corner after her fever breaks”, said CDC Director Rochelle Walensky, about the new 7-second isolation period, “If she has the strength to carry a watermelon, she has the strength to return to work.”

Others, however, took issue with the new guidelines.

“We may be done with Covid, but Covid isn’t done with us”, said Johnny Castle, 24, “These viruses are mean, baby. They’re rich in spike proteins and they’re mean.”

Regardless of the pushback, however, health officials have been open about the need to change course.

“When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong”, said Walensky, regarding the initial guidance, before turning to her lead science advisors, “You were wonderful out there.”

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