Local Man To Offer Fractional Husband Services


Looking to diversity his income streams while maintaining the flexibility to go out with the boys without a lecture and/or guilt trip, local man Byron Helpsalot, 31, has decided to pivot to a career as a fractional husband.

“My cousin Dennis makes bank as a Fractional CEO”, said Helpsalot, updating his resume to include lifting heavy things, conquering tall shelves, killing scary bugs and impressing demanding mother-in-laws, “So I figured, why not? My time is my most precious resource.”

The local chapter of SWMVA (Single Wine Moms of Virginia) has enthusiastically received this new entrance into the marketplace.

“Thank God”, said SWMVA member Bianca Nogoodmen, 36, “I really need someone to cook for the kids and give me a shoulder rub when I get home, but I don’t have the budget to bring on a full-time, emotionally unavailable couch potato.”

At press time, Helpsalot was also considering an additional career as a fractional stock photo stand-in for satirical news articles.

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