Local Man Written Up By HR For Dying Without First Notifying Manager


In a development that’s put his future employment at Omnitechcorp in jeopardy, local deceased man Ricky Imtoast, 44, was given a stern reprimand for breaking company policy by dying without notice.

“This type of behavior is unacceptable, and is clearly outlined in the employee handbook”, said Human Resources Director Jane Hammertime, 50, “We certainly hope this is the last time we have to address this with him.”

Imtoast, passing suddenly due to complications from a bad calzone, was reached for comment through a medium.

“I’m feeling a strong energy coming through”, said medium Wendy Gimmeabreak, 61, “He wants you to know that he’s ok, and that they can take their reprimand and shove it up…I’m sorry…I’m losing him…someone’s grandmother is now coming through and talking about peach cobbler something or another.”

Omnitechcorp, having written up Imtoast, is hoping to send a message to the remainder of their employees.

“Look, we get it”, said Hammertime, “Life happens. Death happens. We’re flexible if you need to take an afternoon off to croak. But you simply must notify your manager. Otherwise it sends a message that anyone can just die whenever they please.”

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