Local Tiki Bar Owner Named Mike Epstein Second-Guessing Naming His Establishment “Epstein’s Island”


After opening his bar with his father in 2004 and naming it “Epstein’s Island” as an homage to the family, local man Mike Epstein has recently come to give this once-sound decision some closer scrutiny.

“Listen – in 2005, it sounded great running a radio ad that told people to come to Epstein’s island for some wild fun that’ll be our little secret”, said a chain-smoking, visibly-sweating Epstein, “How was I suppose to know about the other guy? That sick SOB ain’t worthy of the good and noble Epstein name.”

Epstein’s establishment’s name has led to problems for his patrons as well.

“Oh God, don’t get me started”, said longtime customer Freddie McSauce, 53, “I had the feds knock on my door yesterday and ask me about the 10 grand I dropped at Epstein’s Island over the past decade. Try explaining that one to your wife.”

At press time, Epstein, in a bid to distance himself from the unfolding scandal, was strongly considering renaming the bar to, “Epstein’s Playground”.

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