Peruvian Shaman Only Accepting In-Network Patients

Oxamampa –

After several long, drawn-out battles with insurance providers that left his healing practice reeling, local Shaman Curandero De La Reimburso, 67, has decided to streamline his operation.

“We only accept Preferred Blue and Aetna patients now”, said De La Reimburso, “If you need an Ayahuasca awakening and have Cigna, I’m sorry, but you’re on your own.”

Patients, upon learning of this shift, were incensed.

“It took forever for my GP just to refer me to this guy”, said Zack Toadvenom, 33, “Do you know how hard it is to clear ancestral demon spirits with my HMO?”

At press time, De La Reimburso’s competitors were looking to capitalize on this shift by providing a concierge, monthly subscription trip to other dimensions on demand.