REPORT: Single Guy With Puppy Not Fooling Anyone

PITTSBURGH –

After rescuing his puppy from the shelter to give him a loving home and transparently use him to pick up women, it’s been reported that the ladies of the Allegheny Commons dog park have become wise to the ruse of Jeremy McLegit, 34.

“Please. I know him. I’ve seen him and his skeevy friends at Tequila Cowboy”, said clearly-not-fooled local Jenny De La NoSirio, 30, “Still, that puppy is soooo…<incoherent fawning and rambling>”

The puppy, named Mr. Snuggles as a way to double-down on the performance, was surprisingly happy to enter into this Machiavellian arrangement.

“Does it bring me any satisfaction to be a pawn in this nakedly obvious charade? No, not particularly”, barked Mr. Snuggles, 1, “But he does keep me well-fed and well-groomed. I guess he figures any guy willing to pretend to love dogs in service of his libido will be perceived as a great dad. I’m here for it. The chew toys in particular are worth the show.”

At press time, Mr. Snuggles had failed to earn McLegit a date, as his powers of four-legged, tail-wagging persuasion were still not enough to overcome the ingrained cynicism of area graduate students.