TIBETAN MONKS: Group Meditation Could Have Totally Been An Email

LHASA –

After convening the monks of the Sangphu Neuthok Monastery for an afternoon meditation, the monks in attendance have come to openly question this allocation of time and resources.

“Look, I have s*** to do”, said Choekyi Labsang, 46, V.P. of Developmental Transcendence, “I don’t have time to meditate with those trying to burn off 3rd density karma. Next time just ping me on Teams.”

Other monks also found themselves aggrieved by this intrusion on their time.

“I already saw the department of stillness this morning at breakfast”, said Dorjee Lhamo, 34, Director of Reincarnated Resources, “What? We gonna meditate on the weather and who won the game last night? I’m up to my eyeballs in trying to attain Samadhi before I leave for my 2-week re-education holiday in Xinjiang.”

At press time, monthly all-staff meditations were rumored to be moving to a bi-weekly schedule, causing several monks to connect with Monastery recruiters on LinkedIn.