Pluto Really Excited To Be Entering 29th Degree Of Capricorn, Has Absolutely Idea What That Means And Wants A Damn Treat

ORLANDO –

With astrology enthusiasts the world over making a big deal about his conjunction with Mercury, Pluto is simultaneously tickled and utterly confused and just wants to be fed already.

“I’m a dog; so how this relates to the beginning of an ascended Aquarian cycle is well beyond my pay grade”, barked Pluto, while humping a fire hydrant, “Who do you gotta bite to get some bacon around here?”

Other dogs were becoming jealous of all the attention thrown Pluto’s way due to this rare phenomenon.

“He knows it’s about a planet, not him, right?”, barked local German Shepherd Mr. Ruffles, while throwing a glare of envious disdain towards Pluto, “Some mutts are just born on 3rd base.”

At press time, Pluto was happy to be the catalyst for the transmutation of people’s suppressed energies as long as they stop navel-gazing about doing their inner work and just take him for a walk already.