Woman In Texas Marks Herself Safe From New Jersey Earthquake

AUSTIN –

After receiving word of the 4.8 magnitude earthquake that rattled Lebanon, New Jersey this morning, local woman Ashley McHeyyall, 28, has made it a point to let everyone know she’s ok.

“I know everyone’s worried about me”, said McHeyyall, in a gross misreading of everyone’s level of concern for her well-being, “But thank God we still have power and everyone’s accounted for.”

McHeyyall, located 1,700 miles from the epicenter of the earthquake, immediately took to Facebook to reassure her friends and family that their non-existent levels of concern should be assuaged.

“Blessed to be a survivor”, said McHeyyall, enjoying a stable ground beneath her feet on a warm and sunny say, “I’ll be telling my grandkids about this one.”

At press time, McHeyyall also marked herself safe from the latest round of flooding in Bangladesh.