Local Woman Sheds Ego, Wishes Other Non-starseed Lowlifes Would Do The Same


A long journey into spiritual practice, uncovering the truth of existence and connecting with her high…excuse us…higher self…has led local starseed Ashley McCrystalpants, 28, to a profound realization.

“I shed my ego and am now at one with everything”, said McCrystalpants, tearing down all barriers except the paywall on her Substack, “I just wish all the other low-vibe, low-consciousness losers could be as loving.”

This revelation has been met with enthusiastic embrace among her fellow starseed travelers.

“It would be wonderful if the non-Pleiadians could see how luminous and divine they are, even if they are just measly Earth souls”, said intergalactic volunteer/accidental human Jana De La Arcturianez, 31, “So we need to love those dirtbags until they remember.”

At press time, McCrystalpants was looking forward to shedding her constrictive identity as a human vegan when word of the new In ‘n Out Burger opening reached the retreat center.

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