President Biden Signs Executive Order Forgiving Karmic Debt

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

With the 2024 election looming and in desperate need of a boost in his poll numbers, President Joe Biden has signed an executive order forgiving all karmic debt.

“Look man, here’s the deal”, said Biden, “Too many Americans are burdened by monthly karmic debt payments, forcing them to be decent humans because they once spread hurtful gossip in the late Roman Empire or ravaged a village in the Kingdom of Mali. I spoke to a teacher in Hazelton just last week who was crushed under the weight of making things right for once being a Mongol marauder.”

Many Americans welcomed this latest round of relief.

“Well it’s about damn time!”, said Clarence Wasntme, 46, of Indianapolis, “I was roped into the Qing Dynasty by predatory karmic lenders who promised me a stable career as a court jester. Take it up with the Qing, man.”

Others, however, were critical of this move.

“Playing politics with the Akashic records is sadly par for the course from this failed administration”, said Sen. Lindsay Graham, (R-SC), secretly celebrating his own absolution from that time he sucker-punched a guy at a Byzantine wedding, “We’ll see you in November.”

At press time, Biden was disappointed to see this action result in minimal movement in the polls, as most Americans were unable to pronounce the word, “Karma”.