Ukraine Requests Spirit Airlines From U.S. To Counter Russian Air Defenses

KYIV –

After finding limited success in penetrating sophisticated Russian air defense systems, the Ukrainian government has put out a request for the most potent fighting machine in the skies.

“F-16s are good, no one disputing this”, said Ukrainian Air Force Commander Andriy Airforcenko, 53, “But Spirit Airlines #1 in world for violence at 35,000 feet.”

Spirit passengers, when informed of this request, were looking forward to joining the fray.

“Bring ’em on!!”, shouted Dale Cheapfarington, 38, of Fort Myers, “And I swear if ya’ll don’t land this damn thing in the next 20 minutes, someone’s getting knocked the **** out.”

Sources at the Pentagon were optimistic this deal would get done by the end of the year.

“This can really turn the tide”, said Major General Douglas McHammer, 61, “No force in the world, not even an advanced surface-to-air battery, can contend with a plane full of spring breakers on their way back from Florida.”