Local Man Has Divine Psychedelic Vision, Sees HR As Creator Of Entire Universe

ROCHESTER HILLS –

After experimenting with psychedelics to address his longstanding battles with depression, anxiety and Detroit Lions fandom, local man Jaime De La Tripino, 37, had an experience and revelation he won’t soon forget.

“It blew my mind”, said De La Tripino, while wearing a now-ill-fitting vintage 1993 Barry Sanders jersey, “Matter seemed to fold in on itself, I saw colors I’d never seen before, heard angelic music playing, and was given a key fob and information about a matching 401k.”

Area healers were unsurprised to hear of this experience, corroborating it with similar claims from people they’ve worked with in the past.

“Absolutely; nearly everyone is met by the architect of reality who rested on the 7th day so they could catch up on payroll”, said local Shaman Misty McMystical, 51, “And they learn that hell is just a myth concocted by people who try to get out of mandatory harassment training.”

At press time, De La Tripino returned to his office the following Monday, carrying the spirit of knowledge and illumination, while preparing a golden calf as an offering to his company’s benefits administrator.