Couple On Coffee Date Silently Wondering Why Anyone Thought Drinking A Digestive Stimulant On A Date Was Ever A Good Idea

FERNDALE –

After following the social convention of meeting for coffee on their first date, local daters Matt Rumbleguts, 28 and Julie Needtheloo, 26, have come to instantly regret following said convention.

“This was outrageously stupid”, thought Rumbleguts, after downing half a Turkish vanilla blend that created an active symphony in his lower GI tract, “Couldn’t just do paintball like a normal person, huh? No. Of course not.”

His date enthusiastically concurred with this thought process.

“Good move, Julie, good move”, Needtheloo pondered, torturing herself as she was now stuck in a horrifyingly awkward social situation for which there was no escape, “We could have literally done a wine and paint class and averted this nightmare.”

At press time, both participants suddenly needed to call off the date prematurely as they coincidentally had an ill aunt to tend to across town.