MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: I Made All These Mistakes So You Should Definitely Make Them Too

DALLAS –

Keynoting the opening for the National Association of Cross-Eyed Orthodontists, speaker Ken Pumpupton, 52, had a poignant message about his life experiences for those in the crowd.

“Today, you only know Ken the entrepreneur, Ken the family man, Ken the community leader. But before all that, there was Ken the drug user, Ken the playboy, Ken the thief. Am I proud of all that? Well yeah, kind of”, said Pumpupton, “Seriously. Those years were great. You should really give it a shot. Beats the hell out of Dora the Explorer marathons.”

Attendees, by and large, were deeply moved by this message.

“I’m glad he paved the road for me so I can follow his example”, said Cindy Badchoices, 28, “I was particularly inspired by the time he took the cops on a three-state chase with a trunk full of quaaludes. That sounds awesome. I’ll see if the delegation from Indiana is interested in teaming up for that.”

At press time, Pumpupton was due to give his next keynote at a college commencement, encouraging new graduates to never let indictments for grand larceny get in the way of their dreams, but to definitely get indictments for grand larceny so they can see for themselves.