California Man Rejects Western Medicine, Seeks Treatment In Boston Instead

SANTA CRUZ –

After his recent diagnosis with Castleman’s Disease, a rare condition effecting the pancreas, local man Adam Moonbeam, 51, has eschewed the traditional routes of Western medicine, focusing instead on an Eastern approach in Boston.

“Everyone told me to get checked out at Stanford or UCLA”, said Moonbeam, “But the methods they’ve been using at Tufts have been around for thousands of years. Or at least since the 80s.”

Moonbeam expressed frustration that the Western doctors he encountered simply wanted to, in his words, “Throw pills and surgery at the problem to line their pockets and keep me sick forever.”

Eastern doctors, in his view, offered a better alternative.

“Those blunt, no-filter goons in Boston told me straight up I’m probably not gonna make it”, said Moonbeam, “I’m starting to feel better already.”

At press time, Moonbeam was considering going even further East should this latest regimen fail, researching the ancient Celtic method of just curing whatever ails ya with a pint and a shot.