CDC To Begin Naming New Covid-19 Variants After Greek Diners


After previously using Greek names such as Alpha, Beta, Delta, Omicron and JohnStamos to name new Covid-19 variants, the leadership at the CDC is moving towards a broader shift in classification.

“Look, this thing is mutating so fast we’ll be out of Greek names by Easter”, said CDC Director Rachelle Walensky, “But it’ll never outpace the diners. Never.”

Scientists the world over have responded positively to this news.

“Well, it makes it easier for us to track Bayshore.1.31.1”, said a researcher from Johns Hopkins, “And it’ll also allow us to keep a closer eye on Starlight.255 that just emerged in Denmark, and its subvariant Majestic.441.1.15.”

The new variant names, in order to further assist epidemiological surveillance, have been aligned to the characteristics of the variants.

“Gastrointestinal upset, fever and chills are what one would generally expect after a meal at Carle Place, which is why Carleplace.1.117 is the most appropriate name for the latest subvariant emerging in South Africa”, said a researcher from NYU, “If only we could get the Nassau County board of health to shut them down too.”

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