“It’s Just Allergies”, Declares Woman Who Comes Into Office With Bubonic Plague

OMAHA –

Seeding the conditions for a renewal of the pox that once wiped out half of Europe, local woman Angie Sniffleton, 34, would like to erroneously reassure her colleagues that her plague-ridden body is, in fact, only suffering an allergic reaction of some kind.

“Oh, don’t mind me”, said Sniffleton, while profusely bleeding from her eyes, “Must be that early pollen!”

Co-workers, acutely aware that they’re at least 2-3 months before the first bloom of any kind in Eastern Nebraska, were remiss to buy Sniffleton’s tall tale.

“She literally died for five minutes at her desk yesterday”, said shaken co-worker Lindsay Pleasehelpus, 28, “I’ve never seen allergies do that to anyone. Well, except Bill. But he’s such a baby anyway.”

At press time, the CDC had recommended a quarantine around Sniffleton’s desk, lest her allergies cause another co-worker to have lymph nodes the size of beach volleyballs.