Local Gen Xer Still Tormented Over Time He Wasn’t Kind And Didn’t Rewind In 1993

IDAHO FALLS –

After the traumatic collapse of his March Madness bracket, local Gen Xer Matt Nirvanaton, 50, suddenly found himself facing down the barrel of a lifetime of regret stemming from one acute incident in his youth.

“My college buddies and I rented ‘The Rocketeer’ because we lost a bet with the guys from the Deke house”, said Nirvanaton, in deep contemplation over this life-altering turn of events, “And I was supposed to be the rewinder. It was me. They trusted me. They all trusted me.”

Nirvanaton, tortured by the memory of his negligence which caused the next movie renter a slight groan and minor inconvenience, has never been the same since.

“Sometimes, things like seeing a man with a rocket pack on his back or a trip to the Goat Yoda studio where the Blockbuster used to be will trigger it”, said Nirvanaton, “But other times, it’ll be something as simple as a ‘Be Kind’ bumper sticker. No, Matt. We weren’t kind, were we? No. We lost a lot of good reels that day.”

At press time, Nirvanaton was thankfully able to let go of other past traumas, including the time he leaked nuclear launch codes to the North Korean government as a gag for his brother’s bachelor party.