Local Man Planned On Doing Inner Work, Denied Permit By City


Resolving to address his childhood trauma, complex PTSD and addiction to gorging on Snickers bars after midnight, local man Ray Selfhelpton, 44, has encountered an unexpected snag.

“Those pikers said I couldn’t unpack my relationship with my father without a 60-day advance written notice”, said a distraught Selfhelpton, “And don’t even get me started on the zoning commission’s insistence that I break up my self-improvement meditations into commercial and residential affirmations.”

Others, however, have found more convenient workarounds.

“Why go to the city when you can just bypass all that by taking some Ayahuasca and bugging out to the jungles of the Yucatan?”, said Kaylee Toteshealed, 30, “See? I’m fixed already.”

At press time, Selfhelpton was denied his appeal by the city, as commission members insisted that this work would harm the local economy of bars, fast food joints and psychiatric hospitals.

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