New Study Shows Watching Just One Self-help Video Leads To Eventual Strong Belief In Lizard People

SAN LUIS OBISPO –

Scientists at Cal Poly, after an intensive, 6-month study, have recently released findings that have shocked exactly no one in self-help and/or spiritual circles.

“Its really something”, said team lead Dr. Jerome Illuminatiton, 44, “It started as simple as a YouTube video on gut nutrition, which led to another video about processed foods, which led to another about the conspiracy to poison the water, which led to Epstein, which led back to lizards. The end point of our research always led to the lizards.”

Subjects of the study were happy to see their journey into enlightenment and paranoid schizophrenia reach the masses.

“They need to know!!”, said Roy Basementon, 53, of Stockton, who abandoned his last vestiges of lucidity at the bus station in November, “I’m so glad I watched that video on REM sleep cycles. Otherwise I’d have never been divinely sent on a mission to uncover the lizard’s plans for the Chicago Cubs. And let me tell you – they aren’t good.”

At press time, the team’s findings corroborated another research project, linking the enjoyment of kombucha with Sunday racquetball dates with the Galactic Federation of Light.