A man in green bay packers gear is standing up.

Report: Entire Universe Shrinks Itself To Shirtless Guy At Packers Game

GREEN BAY –

After exploring the various modalities of experiencing itself through different levels of conscious awareness, the universe has decided to just be a big, inebriated, shirtless football fan.

“I’ve already experienced myself as a quasar, nebula and black hole”, said the universe, after downing its fourth beer of the 2nd quarter, “But I thought Ricky from Appleton would be more fun. At least until the pneumonia kicks in.”

Other manifestations of the universe were quick to criticize this decision.

“We couldn’t have chosen a better team to be shirtless for this year?”, asked Mara McGopackgo, 44, of Oshkosh, “Next time, the quantum singularity would be better served getting blitzed on national TV at an Eagles game.”

At press time, the universe, in a mischievous wrinkle to add more excitement to the experience, also decided to shrink itself to experience itself as Ricky’s future ex-wife.

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