REPORT: Las Vegas Man Surprises Friends, Family By Living As Normal Human Being

LAS VEGAS –

After moving from Riverside to Las Vegas in 2018, local man Carlos De La Blackjack, 36, has taken his social circle by storm by conducting his life in a manner reminiscent of other humans in other cities.

“He called me yesterday to tell me he went to Home Depot to get a new power drill. What the hell? People do that in Cleveland, not Vegas”, said longtime friend Ray Degenerativo, 37, “I was expecting some story involving a bachelorette party from Dallas and a police station, not some pleasant conversation with the clerk on aisle 12.”

De La Blackjack, engaging in shocking activities like grocery shopping, trimming his front yard and getting more than 2 hours of sleep per night, expressed regret about leaving the people in his life at a stunned impasse.

“I’m as surprised as anyone”, said De La Blackjack, celebrating his 5th year in Sin City without a single disturbing-the-peace citation to his name, “I was sure I’d have lost it all at the tables and married a drifter from South Dakota by now. But there’s a sale on peanut butter at WinCo.”

At press time, De La Blackjack’s friends had cancelled plans to visit him, opting to be boring without the hassle of Spirit Airlines baggage adventures.