Report: New Love Language Discovered: Acts of Sabotage

WEST PALM BEACH –

Years of analysis into the five well-known love languages has uncovered a new addition to the relationship-defining styles of expression.

“Mike and I were never on the same page”, said Samantha Samanthaton, 34, “Then I realized my love language was physical touch, while his was inviting my mother to stay with us for the summer.”

Others were also excited to discover this new love language, commenting that it had revolutionized their relationships.

“I never understood Sara, because I thought she wanted me to give her words of affirmation”, said Kyle De La Lovino, 42, “Turns out, she wanted me to dime her out to that woman she hates at work all along.”

At press time, couples around the world were identifying the centrality of this new love language to their relationships, celebrating their anniversaries by slashing each other’s tires.