Spiritual seekers travel to France for indigenous wine and cheese ceremony

BORDEAUX –

After finding little fulfillment from their traditional avenues of faith, science and 50 cent wing night at Harry’s, Americans of all stripes have decided to travel abroad to indulge in a sacred, ancient, indigenous ritual of inebriation and charcuterie.

“The local Shaman Jean-Pierre is great”, said Roy Royston, 41, “He first has us prep for the ceremony by setting an intention to call an Uber after the 3rd bottle. And then guides us through meditations on his newest mistress.”

Locals, however, have mixed feelings about this sudden influx of tourists.

“Our medicine goes back to Roman times”, said Sophie Sommelier, 46, “And they treat it with such disrespect. This sacred Chateau Figeac is meant to open a portal to your tears about how your mother mistreated you, not have you laughing like a hyena at Insta reels of people slipping on ice. Américains stupides.”

Ultimately, many have found deep fulfillment from these pilgrimages.

“Just what the doctor ordered!”, said Candy Guzzleburg, 53, “That one revelation I had after my 6th glass of Pinot…or was it Cab…I dunno…what was I saying?”