Tarot Card Reader Pulls Death Card, Assures Customer That It Only Means Grisly Dismemberment


After pulling the death card in a reading, tarot card reader Madame Mary McDoomed, 54, has felt it important to dispel a common myth.

“Oh, she was TERRIFIED when I pulled that card”, said a giggling McDoomed, “But I reassured her that it doesn’t mean death at all, just a gruesome disfigurement of some kind, potentially resulting from a falling anvil or something else of a cartoonish nature.”

Her client, Sally O’Petrified, 46, was relieved upon hearing this explanation.

“Oh, thank goodness!”, said O’Petrified, not yet ready to meet her maker, “I just updated my insurance to cover long-term anvil-induced injury care.”

At press time, McDoomed also pulled the Magician card, foreshadowing the $75 Venmo payment which magically became $175 upon checkout.

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