University of Michigan caught stealing signs on LinkedIn

ANN ARBOR –

After a scandal revealed an elaborate, advanced, illegal scouting operation for their football program, further investigations have revealed the operation extended far beyond the field.

“The depths of this are extraordinary”, said Sarah Di Impotencio, 48, lead investigator for the NCAA, “They knew about the crying CEO before anyone.”

Michigan alumni, circling the wagons to protect the good name of their university, were quick to defend their beloved alma mater.

“Give me a break; everyone does it”, said Marty McGoblue, 33, “Besides, it’s not like it’s an advantage knowing when you’re about to get spammed by an SEO firm from Punjab.”

At press time, Michigan alumni were busy collecting and turning in data on Ohio State alumni engagement pods.