Report: Botswanan President Wonders Who You Gotta Invade to Get a Headline Around Here

GABORONE –

After increasingly finding his country ignored by international media outlets, Botswanan President Mokgweetsi Masisi is beginning to ask aloud which act of totally unnecessary aggression will get his nation its due limelight.

“I turn on Al-Jazeera, the BBC and CNN, and it’s Russia this and Gaza that”, said an exasperated Masisi, “It’s like the end of the dry season in the Olavongo Delta isn’t even a thing anymore. What do you want? Tanks in Namibia? Is that it? Just tell me and we will mobilize by Sunday.”

Neighboring states, alarmed by this sudden enthusiasm for militancy for the sole purpose of a “Reporting from Gaborone, Emma Smith, BBC” sign-off, stood at the ready.

“Don’t get any ideas, tough guy”, said Zimbabwean President Emmerson Mnangagwa, “Besides, ask Sudan how that’s working out. They’ve displaced half their population and are still buried between the new restaurant opening in Brixton and the girl’s choir fundraiser in Lancastershire.”

At press time, President Masisi was already in makeup preparing for his satellite interview with Al-Jazeera about why those choads in Zimbabwe totally made him do it.