Channelers Who Predicted Apocalypse During Solar Eclipse Quickly Pivot To Selling Tractor Equipment

SEDONA –

After the evolved channelers of Light ‘n Love, LLC failed to see their gleeful visions of apocalyptic doom befall the Earth during the April 8th solar eclipse, they’ve decided it’s time for a career change.

“My team told me it was definitely gonna cause meteors and floods and governments collapsing”, said channeler Lois Commitmeton, 57, while readying for her new career, “Hopefully their advice on how to close a John Deere customer will be a little more on point.”

Others were also moving rapidly into their new, albeit less lucrative career paths.

“I had an entity called Volcanodude come to me in visions and made me tell all my YouTube followers to quit their jobs and sell their stuff”, said channeler Mauricio De La Dupedez, 34, “Hopefully some of them still have enough cash to buy a pallet fork frame. 20% off till Memorial Day. Spread the word.”

At press time, the channelers were quickly up to their old tricks, letting buggy top customers know that their financing requests meant that the universe would fold in on itself if they failed to make their first payment.