Newly Declassified Documents Show Yugoslavia Allowed Slovenia To Become Independent So They Wouldn’t Have To Pronounce “Ljubljana” Anymore

Ljubljana –

Recently released files from the former Yugoslavia have confirmed a long-suspected theory about the origin of Slovenian independence in 1991, one that’s caused a geopolitical earthquake in the Balkans.

“You try saying that place’s name sober, much less after a bottle or two of rakija”, read the document, written by former Yugoslav intelligence official Bogdan Zupančič – De La Hoya, “Let those idiots at NATO try to figure it out. We give up.”

Interviews with former Yugoslav officials have confirmed that trying to pronounce the name of Slovenia’s capital had led not only to Slovenian independence, but also every other battle within the former Yugoslavia.

“Don’t let anyone fool you – the ongoing issues in Kosovo and Bosnia have nothing to do with ethnicity or religion”, said Nastja Potočnik-Mutombo, 32, “They just can’t agree on whether to emphasize the J or the B or make the L silent or whatever the hell we do to make it make sense.”

At press time, Slovenes were considering changing their capital’s name to something easier to pronounce, a decision that would be made while simultaneously skiing and drinking copious amounts of wine.