Québec Passes New Law Mandating All Inebriated Wine-tasting Conversations Be In French

ÎlE D’ORLEANS –

After a series of laws in recent years meant to protect and elevate the French language in the province, the government of Québec has taken things one step further.

“We are a French island in an English sea of stumbling wine tasters who really should have taken an Uber here”, said legislator Jean-Chardonnay Gauthier, 47, “We fought for 400 years to preserve our culture against bachelorette parties from Toronto.”

The law, predictably, has stirred fierce opposition within the province.

“I feel like they’re trying to run me and my husband and our loud cackling out of here”, said Anglophone Montrealer Emily McNeedsthewine, 38, “They can have it their way. Niagara vinyards would be honoured to have us cuss out their staff in English.”

At press time, the law was seen polling at 49% for, 47% against, with undecideds waiting to see if the fine money will be allocated to road construction projects slated to be finished in 2086.