Local Psychic Channels Being Named, “Mark”, Pretty Sure It’s Just Upstairs Neighbor

WILLIAMSBURG –

Another evening of channeling brought Sally Woowooton, 39, even closer to the mysterious, extradimensional being she’s pretty sure is just the jerk who lives on the 8th floor.

“Wait, I sense Mark coming through”, said Woowooton, hearing footsteps and faint yelling about the water bill, “He’s telling us all that December is too tight for a trip to see someone’s in-laws in Texas. Does that mean anything to you? I think this was prophesized in the Bodhisattva.”

Woowooton, honing her channeling ability after 11 years in India and a full year of living under Mark 24/7 during Covid, is confident that her elusive spirit has an important message for humanity.

“Last night, Mark came to me and said the frickin’ elevator is a death trap and the super really needs to look at it”, she said, “I can only surmise that to mean a great cosmic portal is opening.”

At press time, “Mark” was detected by other sensitive beings as well, including his next door neighbor who bangs on his wall when the TV is too loud.