All But One Of Biff Tannen’s Crew Goes Blind Staring At Eclipse

HILL VALLEY –

In a story that’s rocked the world of buttheads and people who make it a point of saying hi to your mom for me, the fearsome foursome of Hill Valley have been reduced to one member with sight after today’s solar eclipse.

“He was the only one prepared”, said Tannen, referencing his friend who permanently wore solar eclipse glasses in anticipation of this moment, “You know what would happen if I wore solar eclipse glasses? I’d keep my eyesight. Now, you wouldn’t want that to happen, would ya? WOULD YA?”

After responding that of course we wouldn’t want that to happen, Tannen continued.

“Well, lookie what we have here”, he said, feeling around through his now-fried cornea, “I always knew that one day, some crazy, wild-eyed scientist or a journalist would come around asking about my sight. Funny, I never thought it’d be you.”

At press time, Tannen was working on getting Grays Sports Almanac converted to braille.