City Lightworker Suddenly Followed By 100,000 Spiritualists


After recently updating his LinkedIn profile to reflect his new job as a lightworker, local man Rob DiLightnlove, 39, has unexpectedly found himself with an avalanche of followers.

“It’s crazy”, said DiLightnlove, sifting through fan mail that includes invitations to Sedona and sage candles, “They think I was sent down to help mankind ascend or something looney like that. I’m just here to fix the blinking yellow on 5th and Chestnut.”

DiLightnlove, an electrician by trade who recently secured a job with the city, is trying to adjust to his new life as a revered guru.

“I got people asking me to read their Akasha”, said DiLightnlove, “What’s that? The new Indian joint over on Pine?”

DiLightnlove’s followers were also finding the adjustment to this new paradigm challenging.

“Rob is the ocean of consciousness manifesting as the wave of Rob, the wave sent to return us to the higher vibratory state of oneness”, said follower Zoe Fangirlton, 27, “I just wish he’d respond to his damn emails for once.”

At press time, DiLightnlove continued to grow his following after indicating he saw a bright, flashing, blinding light on the corner of 8th and Walnut.

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