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Local Man Microdoses On Mushrooms From Supermarket

PUNTA GORDA –

After being told that mushrooms would radically change his perspective on life, relieve his anxiety and help him write the Great American Novel, local man John O’Trippin, 32, in a gross misreading of the situation, has decided to microdose on actual, store-bought mushrooms.

“It’s been great”, said O’Trippin, after adding extra mushrooms to his veal marsala, “I think I saw God in the sauce last night.”

Friends and associates were confused by this turn of events.

“I did find it strange that he ordered mushrooms on his pizza then claimed he should now be able to see the pizza cutter’s soul”, said longtime friend Mike Del Cosmico, 33, “Funny how he could see that but not the check.”

O’Trippin, however, remained convinced that his useless gorging of Publix’s discounted, cellophane-wrapped fungi would transport him into an elevated state of consciousness.

“They should have made this legal years ago”, said O’Trippin, astoundingly under the impression that they were once illegal, “Glad we’re finally moving into the Age of Aquarius.”

At press time, O’Trippin was considering expanding his treatment regimen to include toad-induced DMT, which he intends to receive from the frogs legs at Le Madeleine.

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