Gen Z Extremely Passionate About Thing They Learned About On Tik-tok 30 Seconds Ago

OAKLAND –

After careful research, complex analysis and a wide depth and breadth of historical scholarship, Gen Z has decided it’s ready to go to the mat for the thing it learned about 30 seconds ago.

“I will lay down my life for a Free Pakistan!”, said Aidan McScroller, 19, before being corrected by his friend, “My bad. I meant Free Paraguay. That’s the one, right?”

Others were focused on the even more burning issue they found in their subsequent scrolling.

“Don’t you realize what carbon emissions have done to the mental health of the pay gap??”, implored Megyn De La Blocktraffico, 22, conflating three reels into one spectacularly incoherent plea, “It’s like no one’s even listening to me.”

At press time, Gen Z’s frothing activism was rumored to have given Millennials even more unspecified, nebulous, resting anxiety.