God Announces Self As Alpha And Omega, Leading To CDC Warning About God Covid Variant


After a sudden announcement by the almighty creator of the universe that it is both the Alpha & Omega, national health authorities have immediately responded with a public statement intended to combat its spread.

“We know that the Alpha & Omega variants were highly contagious”, said CDC spokesperson Marty McMask, 44, “But this recombinant variant, with the powers of all of creation at its back, could really put a burden on our healthcare facilities this winter. We may be done with the God variant, but the God variant isn’t done with us.”

Leaders around the nation, in close coordination with the CDC, have begun to take action to combat the spread.

“As of today, you will only be allowed to buy bird seed on Tuesdays between 10-11 a.m., and again on Wednesdays during a full moon”, said Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, “If you can, please stay home and stay omnipotent.”

At press time, Dr. Anthony Fauci had returned from his new profession as a Paraguayan Uber Driver to reassure the nation that the God variant is both everything and nothing to worry about at once.

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