MDMA Approved To Treat Combat PTSD For Veterans Of Great Toilet Paper War Of 2020

WASHINGTON –

After phase III trial data showed the psychedelic MDMA to be over 80% effective in treating combat PTSD, the FDA has swiftly moved forward with approval for its most vulnerable population.

“We have veterans who proudly served their families during the Charmin battle of March”, said FDA spokesperson Mary McRegulator, 46, “And this drug shows the clearest pathway to helping them regain a sense of normalcy and go back to Wegmans without a knife in their teeth.”

Veterans groups have praised this breakthrough, claiming it has been long overdue.

“This is the least we can do for our brothers and sisters who put their lives on the line on aisle 14”, said veteran advocate Rusty Smoothfabric, 57, himself a purple heart winner after a local grandmother tased him for the last of the Cottonelle at Aldi, “You weren’t there. You…weren’t there.”

At press time, the FDA was also considering legalization of Psilocybin to treat overcontemplation of life from everyone else who stayed home and stayed safe.