Patient Told By Terrible Chiropractor To Stimulate Vegas Nerve

LAS VEGAS –

After seeing a chiropractor about increasing tension in his body, local man Jon Dohnson, 38, received abjectly horrendous advice from said practitioner.

“He told me I needed to stimulate my Vegas nerve”, said Dohnson, after waking up at a bus stop outside the El Cortez following losing his life savings on the Wheel of Fortune slots, “I asked him if he meant the Vagus nerve, but he said, no, the one where I gorge at buffets and get hit on by divorcees from Saskatchewan.”

When reached for comment, said Chiropractor defended his medical counsel.

“If you’ve got tension, the best thing you can do is eat prime rib at 5 a.m. after a night of decisions you pray your kids never find out about”, said Dr. Bob Crackurback 46, “It’s science.”

At press time, others around the world were also looking to stimulate their Vegas nerves, while opting for more affordable local care in Atlantic City and Biloxi.