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Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow, Realizes He Needs To Do His Shadow Work

PUNXSUTAWNEY –

With another Groundhog Day seeing the most famous groundhog on Earth perform his usual spectacle for tourists and the six remaining Punxsutawney locals who have yet to move to Florida, Punxsutawney Phil has come to a sober realization.

“I saw my shadow, and immediately knew what that meant”, said Phil, “Six more weeks of having to resolve generational trauma. Sweet.”

Punxsutawney Phil, expected to give a weather forecast which has been repeatedly sued by Accuweather and the GFS model, has instead been forced to “do the work”.

“I can predict all the soul-killing March blizzards in the world, but I still gotta get in there and fix that unresolved **** with my brother”, said the celebrity rodent, “I can’t bypass anymore with weather tricks or month-long burrowing adventures to Bali.”

At press time, Punxsutawney Phil had an eerie feeling come over him that he’d done this all before.

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